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The Hazards of Walking in Tel Aviv

December 15th, 2008 Leave a comment Go to comments

Guest Blogger: Steve Miller

There’s Iran and the nukes.
There’s the Tel Aviv mafia which blow things (and people) up.
There’s the rockets from Gaza.
We had bombs and rockets from the North not too long ago.

But living in Tel Aviv, the most dangerous part of my day is walking.

Have you walked the sidewalks of Tel Aviv recently?

First, Israel was founded before motorcycles were the thing in Tel Aviv. So everyone has the motorcycles slash beefed up scooters…let’s call them motor scooters. Israeli drivers are crazy so it makes sense that these drivers use their skinny vehicles to swerve in and out of lanes, past cars, through red lights etc. Safe right? But the worst part is the guy who sells these motor scooters:

“And the best part for you,” the sketchy Israeli car salesman explains, “is that when you own a motor scooter you can drive WHEREVER THE FUCK YOU WANT!”

“Sold”

I’m convinced this conversation happens because walking on the sidewalks of Tel Aviv is swimming through a sea of motorcycles/beefed up scooters…motor scooters They drive everywhere. Why?! The road extends to the sidewalk for them.

Second, bicycles. Not nearly as dangerous as the motor scooters, but everyone rides a bicycle on the sidewalk. If it was just 6 year old Shmulik it’d be fine, but everyone rides bicycles on the sidewalk. So now you’ve got motorscooters and bicycles with those annoying little ching-ching-I’m-about-to-pass-you-even-though-I-shouldn’t-be-here-get-out-of-my-way bells. And have you ever seen ONE person in Tel Aviv wear a helmet while on a bicycle? Nada – I hear you have to go to Cypress just to buy one.

***Note there is an exception to the bicycles – there is a growing number of beautiful shanti-esque girls driving old school bicycles. Totally cool to ride on the sidewalk***

Then the least dangerous but biggest day-ruiners while walking in Tel Aviv are the dogs and dog owners. You walk your dogs with complete disregard to everyone else. You endanger the lives of your dogs by walking them on the sidewalk where motor scooters and bicycles swerve all over. But I like dogs, in fact I love dogs. So it’s not the dogs, it’s the dog owners who leave their dog’s shit everywhere.

Everywhere.

Today I walked by the dog park on King George between Dizengoff and Allenby…a DOG PARK with little ramps and things for the dogs to play with…and watched some dog owner let his dog shit OUTSIDE the dog park literally 15 feet away from the entrance…and then leave the shit there. Couldn’t he hold it in? Please? For the sake of my shoes!

Bicycles and motorscooters, and then little landmines of dog shit everywhere – maybe in Tel Aviv it’s safer to walk in the street?

[editors note: The article is over, but this picture was too funny not to include]

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Categories: My 2 Agurot

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